


Falling Skies

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Darkpilot Force Bond Series [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Kylo Ren, Angry Poe Dameron, Animal Death, Apprentice Poe Dameron, BAMF Women, Conflicted Leia Organa, Conflicted Poe Dameron, Creepy Fluff, Dark Kylo Ren, Disturbing Fluff, Dream Sharing, Evil Armitage Hux, Family Secrets, Female Friendship, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Training, Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, Knights of the Old Republic vibes, Luke Skywalker Is An Asshole, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Misogyny, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Protective Kylo Ren, Protective Poe Dameron, Raddus Divergence, Rescue Missions, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soft Kylo Ren, Survival, Teacher Kylo Ren, The Force, Uneasy Allies, Weird Fluff, Women Being Awesome, at least as much as you can get with this story, in Darkpilot’s case, in Tallie and Rose’s cases, in places, master/apprentice relationship, sequel hook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22926154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After a dogfight between Poe Dameron and Kylo Ren outside the Raddus, the two end up stranded together on a swamp planet, with a Force Bond, dependent on each other to survive — and Poe learning from Kylo Ren the ways of the Force.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Series: Darkpilot Force Bond Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1651000
Kudos: 30





	1. The Force’s Design

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Call this another Raddus AU.

It was as Poe Dameron stirred from the wreckage of his X-wing that he looked around, assessing his situation and feeling like he was, simply, aching and bruised everywhere. It definitely wasn’t his first crashlanding — between this and the time he escaped the _Finalizer_ with Finn, it seemed that crashlandings were becoming a recurring theme for him. 

A bit of a slip-up, he thought wryly, for the “best pilot in the Resistance”. 

Now that his head was clearing enough to make jokes, he spun around to wrench BB-8 (a very disgruntled BB-8, at that) from the wreckage of Black One. “Buddy!” he said. “Thank the stars you’re okay!”

BB-8 let out a series of confused beeps. 

”Yeah, I don’t know either, buddy,” Poe said. He tilted his head, looking around at the towering forests. The green that seemed to extend into pale, foggy gray skies. Everything about that damn planet was already giving Poe the creeps, just the look of it, the atmosphere. “I just remember...we were fighting. He and I...” And there had been a moment, just a moment really, where after Ren had knocked Tallie out of commission, Poe had sworn that he’d felt something. A remnant of when Ren had broken into his mind, interrogated him? It had felt, almost, like he could feel something from Ren that wasn’t his own. Something completely new. It wasn’t so much thoughts as much as a feeling —

Like somehow, Ren didn’t want to hurt him. Why now, Poe thought bitterly. Why couldn’t he have given Poe that same consideration when he had kriffing —

And then there was Ren himself. Perhaps no one would have blamed him for leaving Ren to die, but in the end, he was Poe Dameron, and he wasn’t about to leave an enemy to die...even if said enemy was a monster. 

Poe, BB-8 beside him, headed towards the smoking ruins of Kylo’s TIE fighter, currently submerged in a swamp. Poe supposed it was a pity; it wasn’t a bad ship, not really. It was sleek, and it was pretty, and then there was —

_Oh dear stars._

It couldn’t be. Not here, not now. But that face, the face that was currently unmasked...it was Ben. 

Ben’s face. Silky black hair, tossed about his face in a way that reminded Poe, twistedly enough, of a halo. His lashes, contrasting against light, mole-dotted skin. And that long line of tape, covering up the place where Rey must have slashed him, all but cut his face open...

It was one thing for the man who’d invaded his mind to be a complete stranger. Poe could live with that. But when the man who’d committed a war crime against him happened to be a man you searched for with Luke — Luke out of duty, Ben because Poe loved him — that was something else entirely. Poe could swear that the inside of his mouth tasted like acid. 

He wasn’t about to leave Ben — to leave Kylo — to die. (How could they possibly be one and the same? There was something wrong with it, Poe just knew it) It didn’t mean that Poe couldn’t be seething all the while, even as Kylo’s TIE fighter and lightsaber sank into the swamp. 

***

They reached one of the huts on the planet, and by then, Poe was sore — at least there was a more humorous thing to blame Kylo for, something that seemed insignificant next to everything else. Kylo was big — Ben was big; somehow, the gawky teen and the already muscled early-twenties man that Poe knew had only gotten bigger. Definitely not someone who Poe could just carry around. 

BB-8 beeped, clearly confused. Thanks to Poe’s occasional visits to the Academy, BB-8 had come in contact with Ben, visited him. Poe couldn’t imagine what BB-8 was feeling, wondering why their former friend would want to hurt them. 

”I don’t know, buddy,” Poe said. Even checking over Kylo — he wasn’t a medic, but still — he could already feel the anger, the betrayal and hurt, all but spiking in him. “I never thought that...he’d do that. I don’t even know why. What he got out of it.” He sighed. “It doesn’t matter. We’ll get in contact with the Resistance, we’ll lock up that traitorous bastard and...everything will be fine.”

He wished, in that moment, that he could believe himself. The whole idea that everything would be okay after they locked Kylo — Ben, his best friend, the man he loved — up. 

He thought he felt something. It wasn’t like that conscious, cruel lance through his mind, but some sort of flailing. Poe hesitated, wondering if, in the end, he should reach out. If that would be an invasion of its own. _Now our places are exchanged and I could easily become you..._

He didn’t do what Kylo did, in the interrogation chamber. It was a light touch, and yet Poe still felt uneasy. It was too easy, holding someone’s mind in the palm of your hand, coming close to crushing it. 

_I could become you_. 

Even that idea, that knowledge, was far too much. 

Kylo stirred. Opening his eyes...it seemed, in that moment, like it was a struggle for him. And it was there that Poe felt his thoughts all but bombarding him. 

_no mask he can see shouldn’t have destroyed it he wasn’t supposed to see me like this on the Finalizer he —_

”Where am I?” Kylo said. “What have you done to us both?”


	2. The Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Kylo talk, and Rose and Tallie hatch a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Honestly, the fact that I was having what I can only assume was a prolonged anxiety attack is the only explanation for why I flagged in my double update yesterday. Have a triple update!

“I’ve got to find him, General.” Tallie said. 

Even as she lay in medbay — she hadn’t been seriously injured. Tallie could only assume that she had been incredibly lucky — she couldn’t help but feel like it was her fault, somehow. Poe...stars, if she hadn’t had that hit at just the right time, maybe she could have been able to help Poe. Save him. And that planet...stars knew where Poe was now. With Kylo Ren. 

Kylo Ren, of all people. Maybe they were all lucky and Kylo was dead (it was Kylo. Tallie couldn’t say she felt bad about thinking that in the least), but still...Poe was out there, on stars-knew-what-planet, and he was likely starving to death if Kylo didn’t kill him first. 

As if bed rest wasn’t bad enough, now Poe was in trouble and Tallie couldn’t help him. 

General Organa sighed. “Tallie, if you think that Poe isn’t important to me, you’re wrong.”

 _Could have done a better job showing it,_ Tallie thought, but she didn’t say it out loud. 

“Then we have to at least go back,” Tallie said. “Kylo...he tortured Poe last time, or did you just forget?”

”I didn’t.” General Organa sounded pained as he spoke. “But he won’t hurt Poe. Not this time. I know it.”

”Bantha shit,” Tallie snapped. “He...he kriffing raided Poe’s mind just because he could! Because he enjoyed it.”

”He didn’t.”

”Were you there?” Tallie said. 

”No,” General Organa said, softly. “But I felt it.”

”Through the Force. Somehow.” Tallie had heard that the General had Jedi training, had quit for some reason, but this... “So why did he do it?”

”Snoke.”

”It’s not like Snoke was putting a blaster to his head.” Tallie laughed incredulously even as she spoke. “He didn’t mind trick Kylo into doing it.”

”You don’t know Snoke as I do,” General Organa said. “He set up a test for B — for Kylo.” Had General Organa momentarily forgotten Kylo’s name? “To kill a piece of good in him.” She sighed. “Even after what he did to Poe, to his — Han, I don’t know if he’s succeeded yet.” A beat. “Tallie...I care about them both. I doubt that I can choose between them, who to sacrifice. The ideal solution would be...but I can’t see it.”

”It’s easy, isn’t it?” Tallie said. “Kylo can’t be that important. You don’t know him.”

General Organa, just for a moment, looked ill at ease. Then, “I think I’ve said too much.”

She left. Tallie was already seething; was General Organa, inexplicably, trying to mediate things between Tallie’s friend and the man who tortured said friend? What bit of good could there be in that _beast_?

Rose entered the room in that moment. Her eyes were reddened; she looked like she’d been crying, or not sleeping well. Maybe both, considering Poe had come back, Paige hadn’t. (Maybe General Organa was trying to punish Poe for Paige’s death, even though Paige had kriffing volunteered willingly. Just a case of the punishment not fitting the crime...)

”You okay?” Tallie said. 

Rose laughed weakly. “You got put out of commission, your friend’s stranded with a monster, and you’re worried about me?”

A nod from Tallie. “Yeah.”

”I overheard a bit,” Rose said. “I was coming to visit you. I just can’t believe General Organa said that; whatever her reasons, she’s just being selfish.”

”No stang,” Tallie said bitterly. She sat up, winced; she’d still suffered a shoulder burn in the space battle, where one of Ren’s miserable wingmen had fired on her. 

”You okay?” Rose said. 

”Yeah, great,” Tallie said. “Just...I don’t care what shape I’m in; I’m going to parachute to Poe’s location if I have to.”

Rose laughed. “That’d be a story to tell.”

”Yeah.”

Rose became more somber in that moment. “You just don’t know where he is. And you don’t have a ship.”

That was true, at least. Then, “You know...escape pods.”

***

”What the kriff are you talking about?” Poe said. “I just...touched your mind. It’s not like you haven’t done worse!”

Even in the restrictive space that was the hut that they shared, Kylo actually looked pained for a moment, though he looked away quickly. Too good for him, Poe thought venomously. He wasn’t usually intentionally cruel, but the very idea of Kylo acting like Poe had done something wrong when he had all but bulldozed over Poe’s boundaries the last time they met...

”I can hear you,” Kylo said. “And it’s obvious that you...you can hear me.”

”Yeah.” Even though Poe didn’t want to even consider it. Even though the very idea of it was disgusting. There were so many, too many, people that Poe would rather be tied with. “Yeah, I can.”

”The way you sound,” Kylo said, softly — he _sounded_ pained now, Poe thought, like the fact that Poe was angry at him (somehow, the word “hate” seemed too simple) somehow hurt him. Like it was leaking over into his voice, somehow. “You’re just like everyone else, aren’t you? You think of me as a monster.”

”Yeah, well,” Poe said viciously, “Killing your father, torturing me, hurting Finn and the girl he was with, blowing up the Hosnian system...is it any wonder?”

Kylo looked pained. Then, “The Hosnian system was not my design. As Lord Vader said previously, the ability to destroy a planet is nothing compared to the power of the Force. And destroying planets through blowing them up...it’s distasteful.”

”Fine.” Even if Poe didn’t feel Kylo’s sincerity, he knew Kylo was the son of an Alderaan survivor. He wouldn’t be _that_ opposite his mother’s beliefs, even if he did ruin her life... “But you didn’t do anything.”

”I attempted to. The Supreme Leader...didn’t listen.”

Poe could believe that. Maybe that was one benefit of the Bond — in a way, it did allow him to get the upper hand. 

”And everything else?”

“It...gave me no pleasure.”

Poe didn’t expect to feel genuine pain, genuine sorrow, over the Bond. Even if it did feel like Kylo was holding something else back. Like something was behind a locked door — but Poe wasn’t about to break it open. It would be easy for him to be like Kylo. He wouldn’t be, though. He had no desire to be — even if the temptation was there. 

Kylo continued. “I protested. I resisted. But Snoke won. He always wins.” Somehow, that last part, Poe had a feeling that wasn’t meant to be said out loud. 

”Your mother shot his ship down. That’s a plus.”

”He doesn’t die that easily,” Kylo said. “You have the Force...you think living next to a Force Sensitive tree on Yavin would have no side-effect whatsoever?”

”No...it can’t be...”

”It is. If you can’t trust in me...trust in the Bond. Trust in facts. Don’t you think it was awfully convenient you were able to touch my mind?”

”I’m not you,” Poe protested. “I’m not...I’m not...”

”Evil?” Kylo actually sounded hurt saying that. Why would he be? What would that creature wearing Ben’s face be hurt about? He sought evil. He hungered for it, didn’t he? “I am what circumstance made me. What I had to be.”

”What happened to you?” Poe said. 

Kylo paused. Then, “I’ll tell you. On two conditions. One, you tell me about you. And two...that you allow me to teach you what I know. I am not as powerful as the Emperor, or who my grandfather could have been, but nonetheless...”

Even the idea, Poe thought, was disgusting. And yet...

Kylo continued. “Snoke’s not dead. If he finds us, and he will, sooner or later, he will destroy us both. I have no desire for that to happen...to lose a good disciple.”

Somehow, Poe thought, there was more to that, wasn’t there? And yet, Snoke...he supposed it was a good point. He couldn’t shoot the Supreme Leader. And the wilderness around them was treacherous. He supposed, as awful as it all was, Kylo really was his only chance. 

”Fine,” he said. “I’ll learn from you...on one condition. Two. One, if you betray me, I’ll shoot you...and this time it’ll work.”

Kylo nodded. “I am a man of my word,” he said. 

”And tell me the truth. About why I couldn’t help you. Why your parents couldn’t. You’ve lied to me long enough.”

”It will be done,” Kylo said. 

And even looking at Kylo, Poe couldn’t help but wonder if he’d made another one of the worst decisions of his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes: I didn’t expect Rose and Tallie to take on the roles of Poe’s attempted rescuers, but it’s funny how plots turn out...


	3. Spasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Kylo get used to their uneasy alliance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was later that they headed out of the hut, and towards the swamp where Kylo’s TIE fighter was submerged. Where the water and the marsh and the swamp seemed almost like it had swallowed the ship. Looking down at the spot where it seemed that the ship had disappeared, Poe sighed. “Looks like both our ships are busted. Unless...”

Kylo didn’t take it well. Even as Kylo kicked angrily at a patch of marsh, Poe couldn’t help but watch in bewilderment, wondering, exactly, when Ben Solo had become so...petulant. He had had his outbursts before, but they never got physical. 

”You said you’d teach me,” Poe said. “Don’t tell me you’re going back on our deal.”

That, at least, seemed to snap Kylo out of his anger and frustration. His petulance, Poe thought. Even looking at him, he felt something more than just anger at what Kylo had done to him and others — he felt a peculiar sort of disappointment. This...husk was nothing like Ben Solo, not only in his large actions, but his small ones too. 

”I’m not,” Kylo said. “And I am _not_ petulant _._ You realize that I can hear everything that you’re thinking and feeling, don’t you?”

Poe hoped so. And in that moment, he almost didn’t care whether or not Kylo could hear him. 

”I’m not...perfect at this,” Kylo continued, almost as if he didn’t possibly hear Poe over their Bond, “I’m not even good at it. But...I have a rudimentary understanding.”

"Ben,” Poe said, “Since when are you not good at something?” Despite himself, he pressed on. “And don’t hold off on me. We had a deal. Unless you want to take a leaf out of your grandfather's holobook and alter it?”

”Fine. Just don’t pity me.” Kylo sounded petulant now, definitely. Then, gentler, “It was...after Han Solo’s death...”

”Call him who he is,” Poe argued. “Your father. Your father, who would have given everything to make sure you were happy...does Snoke do even a _fraction_ of that?”

Kylo didn’t seem to have considered it. Poe continued. Maybe he thought he could get through to Kylo. Somehow. “He doesn’t, does he?”

”No,” Kylo said. “I killed...Han Solo to solidify my turn to the Dark Side. The Dark Side can’t have attachments. Not Han Solo, not you...no one. I came to the Raddus to prove myself. That...unlike that instance where I was...unbalanced, I was stronger than that.”

”You call that strength?” Poe stared at him as he spoke. 

”There’s an old saying that Snoke showed me. During my training. ‘He will immortalize his love.’ Sith teachings. Snoke had me study both sides. The Jedi, the Sith. His master had a plan...but Snoke saw something greater. A liberation from both sides. The Sith speak of liberation from attachments as much as the Jedi did." A beat. "Even Revan and Uthar Wynn both said that the only thing worse than love was mercy.”

”You showed Finn mercy.” Poe said. He could see that memory; it was a bizarre contrast to the man who’d badly mutilate Finn in the snow later. 

“A mistake,” Kylo said. “And...you named him?”

Another memory read. Poe already felt uneasy, if he was to be truthful. Still, he forced himself to be steely, to say, “Yes.”

A beat. “I would have thought you would have gotten more creative,” Kylo said. 

Poe shrugged. “Hard to get creative when you’re fleeing for your life.”

”In a stolen TIE fighter. It is, admittedly, something you would do.” Kylo’s voice went soft, almost reminding Poe — unpleasantly — of the Finalizer when Kylo had said he was impressed with him. Then he said, “But yes, I was trying to set myself free. Uncertainty, conflict...it weakens a Knight of Ren. Like water against rock.”

”What if you’re not meant to be one?”

”Nor was I meant to be a Jedi. The son of war heroes. I wasn’t meant to be that. There’s no room for more than one of you.” Then, “We should refocus. I think we have better things to do.”

”You’re not even going to ask me questions?”

”Later,” Kylo said. 

The matter of lifting the ship from the marsh...it was like a tremendous strain on Poe’s mind, on his body, even as Kylo coaxed him, as Poe felt Kylo simply near him, mentally and physically. But the ship emerged, covered in muck. Kylo’s lightsaber, however, was ruined, much to the Knight’s chagrin as he chucked it in anger across the marsh. 

”You could just use a blaster.” Poe said. “Just...if you try and shoot me — ”

”I have no interest in that,” Kylo said. 

Poe handed him the blaster, after that trying to ignore the way their hands had brushed the way they did. Trying to ignore that feeling, like he hated the very idea, yet wanted something more. 

It didn’t matter, he thought. It never did. Even if he wanted — Kylo would never. And he didn’t want it. He was just here out of convenience, right? Learning from the metaphorical shapeshifter that had taken on Ben’s form. 

”I’ve never used one,” Kylo murmured. “I know there are different settings, aren’t there? And you have to be careful with the safety. I know they’re also clumsy and random...or so I heard.”

”Yeah, well,” Poe said, “Not all of us have the powers for a lightsaber. Or the parts.” 

”Perhaps not,” Kylo said. “We’ll need food — and a way to get off this planet. And afterwards, we’ll never speak of this again. You’ll go back to being General Organa’s protégé and...I suppose I’ll make sure General Hux hasn’t become Supreme Leader in my absence. And Snoke’s.”

”So that’s it?” Poe said, feeling at least a stab of something he couldn’t put into words. He couldn’t describe it — it was like being abandoned. Like he was somehow unimportant. Somehow, to Kylo, he could just invade Poe’s mind, break his heart in two, and leave. “That can’t be it.” He should have been happy to never see Kylo again. Instead, he just felt discarded. Somehow, he was unimportant. Somehow, he was nothing. 

”You think I’m like you. That I have your confidence. Your honor.”

”You’re wrong. In a way...I’m a killer too.” Poe sighed as he spoke. “Poe Dameron, murderer of two fleets. Canady’s fleet, and Paige Tico’s.” Stars, he wished that he didn’t just see Paige’s ship blowing to hell as she blew up that Dreadnaught. A great ball of fire. 

And he didn’t know why he was telling Kylo this. Was he seeking absolution from his former best friend? 

”I felt it,” Kylo said. "You did battle there, at D’Qar.”

”I cost someone her sister there. Among others.”

”If there is a similarity between us, it’s that we did what circumstances demanded, and no one outside truly knows us.” A beat. “General Organa hit you, didn’t she?”

”I deserved it,” Poe said. 

Kylo’s hand that wasn’t holding the blaster reached towards Poe, almost like he was about to brush Poe’s cheek, only to brush the top of his shoulder. It was almost an impulsive gesture, and the way he looked, it was like he’d been burned. Like Poe was a blazing fire. Like he almost wanted to burn, and yet didn’t want to, out of fear. 

”She did this to you because she doesn’t understand,” Kylo said. “She was hardly out in the thick of battle, watching ships exploding or bodies falling. Just about everything she did was political. Watching lives snuffed out over radar screens. Awarding medals for wanton slaughter.”

”Your uncle stopped a planet-destroying threat.”

”Skywalker did nothing but decide who was and wasn’t important. At least the First Order is equal in who we kill.”

”And that makes it better?” Poe said, disbelieving. “Ben...I never thought you’d order innocent people murdered.”

”They were harboring a terrorist and a Resistance sympathizer.”

”They were civilians,” Poe said. “They did nothing wrong.” Before Kylo could argue that somehow they were complicit, Poe said, “They couldn’t even fight back. I didn’t even see them when they were shot, but I heard them. They had families, they had names.”

He didn’t bring up the fact that somehow, instead of doing that thing in a holo where Poe would have been forced to watch, that he had been escorted onto the shuttle instead. It wasn’t like it mattered — murder was murder, whether someone was forced to watch or not, and whether or not the murderer was erratic in how he behaved. 

Kylo spoke. "It doesn’t matter why I didn’t make you watch,” he said. “Perhaps I was feeling kind in that moment. That was all.”

Poe frowned. He supposed that was an explanation. 

”But dare I say it, General Organa doesn’t understand you. Doesn’t care about you,” Kylo said. “She was influencing you since you were a boy, just to fit into what she wanted you to be. Don’t think I didn’t notice. How she watched you.” 

”She cared about me.”

”So much she slapped you and humiliated you in front of everyone.” 

Poe swallowed. Somehow, he wasn’t ready to deal with this. “I think we need to find food,” he said. 

They found Poe’s X-wing after searching through Kylo’s TIE fighter — there was nothing that could be salvaged from either. Poe sighed. “Guess we have to go — ”

He was cut off by a stabbing, searing pain in his head, seeming to pierce through it like he’d been stabbed in the head with a vibroblade. Tallie — Tallie and Rose — they’d crashed, crashed somewhere, and Poe couldn’t reach them —

“Poe!” The way Kylo sounded, he sounded panicked, terrified — why he would, Poe didn’t know. That was all he managed to think coherently before he began thrashing, before all went, in the end and mercifully, black. 


	4. Broken Perceptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe learns the truth — at least part of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Haven’t read the third issue of The Rise of Kylo Ren, so some stuff (a lot, actually) may be inconsistent with it.
> 
> Also, trigger warning for animal death.

It was later that Poe actually opened his eyes, feeling like tiny weights were attached to his eyelids. He was sore, tired — also hungry. Was that the smell of cooking meat? Poe didn’t want to think about whatever poor animal Kylo had likely killed to make their meal. He couldn’t help but groan, look around. They were far from the hut, in some sort of clearing where there were trees all around, logs to sit on...and a fire going with a massive reptilian-looking beast skewered on a stick over it. 

”You’re awake.” Kylo said. He was sitting next to Poe, his hair a bit ragged, stringy. He actually looked...worried? For Poe? Poe almost couldn’t picture it, if he was to be perfectly frank. 

”Yeah.” Then, “Where am I?”

”You’re my patient,” Kylo said. 

”Funny,” Poe snapped. “Really...where am I?”

”We’re nearly up the path from the nearest communications center,” Kylo said. “From there, after you rest and eat, we can...go back to our sides.”

”And never see each other again,” Poe said. He sighed. “If you didn’t want me to think you cared, you really shouldn’t have...done whatever you did.”

”Carried you here?” Kylo said. “It was...convenient.”

”Sure,” Poe said wryly. Granted, the idea of Kylo carrying him there...it had its own appeal, at least. Knowing that Kylo had strong, muscular arms that Poe couldn’t help but be jealous of — if there was one thing Poe wasn’t a fan of about himself, it was how slight he was, personally — was one thing. And maybe there was the idea that somehow, he meant something to Kylo. That he wasn’t, somehow, insignificant. 

Then again, he was thinking of Kylo like Kylo actually cared about personal attachments, sentimental value. That had died long ago. 

”I’m not Light,” Kylo said. “I haven’t been in a long time.”

”You had everything,” Poe said. He couldn’t help but get frustrated. “You had the biggest kriffing family in the galaxy, and somehow it wasn’t enough.”

”Did I?” Kylo said. “Did I really have that big a family? Did you know what happened the night I left?”

”Yeah,” Poe said. “Luke said you took half his students with you, slaughtered the rest, and burned down the Academy.”

Silence. Poe watched Kylo’s face, that barely perceptible twitch of a muscle there. Then, “That is a lie.”

Poe wanted to deny it. Shout something along the lines of “no you”, childish as it would have been. But across the Bond, he could feel, in that moment, that Kylo wasn’t lying. 

”He would have done anything to avoid responsibility,” Kylo said. “He was willing to ‘redeem’ my grandfather, as much as you can call what he did ‘redemption’. But me? His sister’s son? I meant nothing to him. As little as a rabid kath hound that needed to be put down, as little as a bug about to be crushed under his boot. I was simply something that was defiled, and deserved death. When I woke in my hut, he stood above me...lightsaber ignited. And I responded in kind.”

”No.” It couldn’t be true. Luke Skywalker, his parents’ friend, a man who believed wholeheartedly in redemption, deciding to try and kill his nephew? “It can’t be. It’s not...” And yet he knew it was true. 

”This is the truth of the Bond,” Kylo said. 

”It is.” A beat. “Snoke was preying on you, wasn’t he?”

”On every weakness,” Kylo said. “On every hope, everything about me. And he made me see. To believe in his cause, to see the disorder in the galaxy...oh, the things I saw.”

Poe could see it. The blood. The bodies, all of them, in some sort of tangled pile. Fire that seemed to spread...

”I resisted," Kylo said. “Stars willing I did. It was after Skywalker tried to kill me that I realized the truth. And after the Temple burned...”

”After you burned it.” Poe, at this point, was already clinging to Luke’s lie as much as he could. “You had to have...”

”Wrong again,” Kylo said. 

Poe could swear that it was like he had been stabbed through the chest. So Luke had lied. Somehow, Luke had tried to kill his own family, and then made up a cover story to keep from taking responsibility. 

”But you didn’t have to do everything else,” Poe said. “You could have gone to me. I could have helped you.”

”Could you have?” Kylo said. 

”Yeah. Maybe we could have just run away from Luke and everyone and just...become smugglers.”

”A return to your spice-running days?” Kylo said wryly. "Surely I’m not worth that much.”

”You were to me,” Poe said. 

”And do I mean nothing to you now?” Kylo’s voice was softer, seeming almost hurt. 

”I don’t know.”

The meat was almost overcooked. Poe was grateful to at least eat something, though — even if it was overcooked reptile. Even as he looked up at Kylo, he said, “So I guess we’re going to find the outpost tomorrow.”

”Yes.”

”What kind of meat is this anyway?”

”I can’t say,” Kylo said. “Prior to this, I’ve never been on a planet such as this. I only know it feels peculiar somehow.”

Poe couldn’t deny it. Something about the planet — it seemed like it was humming with energy. Force energy, to be more precise. A planet where Light and Dark seemed to be blended, somehow, not separated but working together. 

”Snoke told me of places like these,” Kylo said. “Said that I had the balance of Light and Dark in me, like I was a piece of the puzzle he was trying to solve. And everything he did, it was to _perfect_ me.”

”You didn’t need to be.” 

”If I’m not perfect, balanced,” Kylo said softly, “Then what good am I, really?”

”More than you were meant for.”

Silence. 

”We should sleep,” Kylo said. “Both of us.” The way he sounded, he seemed to be trying to come to terms with what Poe said. Poe supposed, as he adjusted himself on cold, hard ground, swearing that he could hear the woods from deep inside, he couldn’t blame Kylo, at least for this. 


	5. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Poe make it to the communications outpost, and Poe has to make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_The place they met in their first shared dream was familiar at first. Poe knew this place — Chandrila, where Ben Solo was born. More specifically, they were at the Silver Sea. Han and Leia had occasionally taken Ben there, just to watch the waves and collect shells. And Poe had come here too in the past, when he was small. He could still remember when Ben had been a child, his hair curly and dark, his smile bright, and the way he’d looked at Poe, like somehow, Poe was the amazing one. Ben had loved him, as one would love a spectacular meteor shower, or an angel from Iego, all while not even realizing, even finding it plausible that Poe also found him magnificent. A boy who was strong in the Force, who had a wicked sense of humor, who was strong and brave and kind. Even as they sat by the ocean as grown men — how had that gone by so quickly? — Poe spoke. “I suppose we’d come back here eventually,” he said.  
_

_”There’s some symbolism here,” Kylo said. Then, “When I was younger, I wished I could pull you into my dreams. To protect me from myself, or protect you from dreams about your mother’s death. You’d be here, and I’d be safe, and you’d be safe.”_

_Poe paused. He supposed he could see the appeal in when they were kids. Being together even when they were miles apart. Protecting each other from the monsters that were in their heads.  
_

_”That would have been nice,” Poe said, if softly. “Really.”_

_They sat there, watching the waves lap against the shore, and Poe was almost grateful for the distraction, for the sight of waves against the shore. He was still angry at Kylo, if only for what he had done to Poe and others, but at the same time, he was also angry with Luke for setting it all in motion, and angry at Leia for sending Ben away in the first place to this hypocrite.  
_

_”Perhaps you’re on the wrong path,” Kylo said._

_”Or you are. Or...both of us.” It was an uncomfortable thought. The whole idea of the abstract concepts they were fighting for being sound, but not the figureheads who led them.  
_

_”Or it’s just you,” Kylo said._

Waking up on the cold, hard ground really was just a brutal reminder of the fact that they weren’t at all back on Chandrila, but struggling to survive in a forest on a distant planet.

Poe groaned faintly as he got up, feeling the ache in his back even as he did so. Everything about his body felt dirty and sore and bruised, and that didn’t even cover the fact that there were twigs in his hair. Kylo was already up, standing there with his body so tense that it almost seemed to shake, and Poe supposed that after Luke had nearly killed him, it had almost become a habit to wake up “just in time”. Just in time. Like he was preparing himself for the worst just by springing to his feet immediately. 

”We should get towards the communications center,” Kylo said. “From there...I suppose we’ll see.”

”Yeah.” Poe just wondered if he could go back to the Resistance after what he had learned, what he had seen. And then there was Rose and Tallie. Wherever they were. If they were dead, if they were alive. He shuddered to think of the former. 

”I suppose the question is if you’ll go back to the Resistance after this,” Kylo said. 

”Maybe there’s a third path,” Poe said. “Or a fourth. Such as if I go back to the Resistance without supporting your mother and uncle.”

”After everything,” Kylo said, softly, “You’d still go back?” He sounded bewildered, even hurt. 

”I don’t like the First Order,” Poe said. “I don’t like what they stand for. I don’t like what they do. And I have to oppose it. I’m not going to forget that. I’m not going to turn my back on people who need me.”

”I know that.” Kylo reached over, plucked pieces of twig from Poe’s hair. The gesture was enough to make Poe’s heart race despite himself, even though it was wrong. “You’re a mess,” Kylo said, wryly. 

A shrug from Poe. “That happens when you’re sleeping on the ground.”

”And you’ve still got that scar.” Kylo sounded regretful in that moment. “It was...cowardly to leave you there. For them to hurt you.”

Poe could still remember, all too well. They’d beaten him, used a torture droid — and Kylo hadn’t overseen it, but he had just let them do it. He had just allowed it. Every shock, every fist. Poe had resisted, as long as he could. And then...well, he knew how it ended. So did Kylo. 

”Yeah, well, I can live with a scar.” Poe’s eyes drifted over the long line of tape that covered up the scar where Rey had slashed Kylo. It wasn’t really that ugly-looking. It was just a scar. Not unlike what his grandfather had gotten from Asajj Ventress long ago. 

”That look...” Kylo said softly. “Am I really that ugly to you?”

”No.” Poe wouldn’t have said it even if he hadn’t had an emotional connection with Kylo previously. “Of course not.” 

A faint smile from Kylo. Then, “I suppose it's a souvenir. Of needing to be stronger than I was. Steelier.”

”Killing your father didn’t make you stronger.”

”Likely a personal failing on my part.”

”It means,” Poe said, “You’re still a feeling being. You think you can just get rid of family attachments, like that? No creature in the galaxy thinks that way. And Snoke doesn’t know you.”

”He can read me too well.”

”But he doesn’t get it.”

”I suppose,” Kylo said after a while, “There’s quite a bit about me he doesn’t know.” A beat. “And you know me? More than him?”

”I’d say I know you pretty well.” And yet there was a lot about Kylo that Poe didn’t know. What had happened to him out there. What had happened to him at Luke’s temple. He had gotten glimpses, peeks at Ben’s life thanks to the holotransmissions they shared. It hadn’t covered everything. ”I at least...care about you. Even if I don’t like you as a person. What you’ve turned into.”

A nod from Kylo. “That’s fair. I suppose.” Then, “We should keep moving.”

They did. It was quiet, the sort of too-quiet that made Poe wonder if there’d be an ambush or a booby-trap any moment. Even as they walked, Poe found that the path was dusty, winding, the sunlight that streamed through the trees taking on an ominous look rather than a reassuring one. 

And finally, they found the communications center. There was a Temple overlooking it, a Temple with a structure that reminded Poe of a particularly ominous-looking face, and Poe couldn’t help but feel like it was whispering to him, pulling at him. 

He could feel his feet carrying him forward, almost like he was in a dream, a trance, a nightmare — only for Kylo to catch him around the chest. “What the kriff are you doing?” Poe said. 

”There’s...mixed energy in there,” Kylo said. “Dark and Light.” He released Poe, almost seeming like even holding Poe burned him; Poe was relieved and yet, something in him was also disappointed. “Whatever’s in there, I’m not letting it get you. It’s what I feel, too many times. The pull back.”

Another sign, Poe thought, he was on the wrong path. Was Kylo so oblivious? 

Kylo continued. “I’m not letting you be hurt. Not this time.”

As kriffed up as it was, Poe found that Kylo was being genuine. Genuine as he could be, all things considered.

"We should repair the console,” Poe said. 

Even as he worked with Kylo on repairing the console, Poe couldn’t help but feel like in a way, he would be relieved to get back to the Resistance. Getting some degree of normalcy back. Even if it was altered by what he’d learned. Poe almost wanted to forget everything, but that wouldn’t be the right thing to do, would it?

The console was booted up, and Poe grinned. “We are in business!” he said. 

”We are,” Kylo said. “Are you going to turn me in then?”

Poe sighed. It would be the right thing to do. _Always the worry about the “right thing” here._ And yet... “They won’t torture you. Your mother’s a torture survivor; she wouldn’t think anyone deserves torture, no matter what their crimes. Hell, I agree with her — no one deserves to be tortured.”

”Obviously,” Kylo said. 

”But turning you in...it would be ungrateful of me, to do it. Letting you go would be selfish. But...” Poe sighed. "You looked after me. You didn’t have to.”

”I needed a guide. And a disciple.” Kylo didn’t sound convincing, though. There was something more. 

”If you say so,” Poe said. “We’ll contact the First Order. At least,” he said, smiling a little, “Screwing over Hux a second time will be priceless.”

”That,” Kylo said, “Was actually something I was looking forward to for a long time.”

Poe couldn’t help it. He laughed. Kylo seemed to smile a bit before he stepped forward. Typed in the frequency for the First Order. And somehow, even as he did it, Poe couldn’t help but feel like he was losing Ben Solo all over again. It was for the best, right? He owed Kylo one, as kriffed up as it was. 

It didn’t hurt any less. 


	6. Betrayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contacting Hux doesn’t go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for Hux being a politically incorrect S.O.B. Really.

“This is Kylo Ren, Commander of the First Order,” Kylo spoke into the comm system. “I am requesting transport.”

Poe didn’t expect Hux, who was onscreen, to really be understanding, but he was still surprised when he said, “No.”

Kylo sounded exasperated. “You don’t understand what I just said, do you?”

Hux snorted. “Oh, you don’t realize, do you, Ren? I’m not surprised considering your intelligence is low at best. You’re thick. You don’t realize that there’s no place for you in the First Order, and never has been.”

Poe could already feel his fists clenching despite himself. It was an odd feeling, feeling honest-to-stars defensive of Kylo, but he couldn’t help but feel like Hux simply _had no right_ to talk about Kylo like that. 

Hux continued. “You have no idea how excruciating it was to put up with you. To know your very presence was stinking up the First Order. Every bad decision, every piece of equipment you destroyed in your childish tantrums, every bit of nonsense about the Force...no one took you seriously, Ren. You’re nothing but a privileged little brat trying to get Mummy’s attention by dressing up in a ridiculous mask. You’re a whiny, indecisive idiot with hardly any charisma to speak of, hardly any talents, hardly any form of leadership, who thinks he’s cleverer than he is, more important than he is. We don’t need you, Ren. We don’t need you in any other way than you making fools out of us, sabotaging us thanks to your personal self-pity and personal agendas, or finding new ways to lose to a mere novice in a lightsaber duel.” A beat. “I must say, nice scar, by the way. It’s a testament to what a joke you are. In the history of incompetence, you’re just a footnote.”

The way Kylo looked — he looked like he was wondering which part of Hux’s tongue-lashing he was going to take offense at first. And Poe couldn’t help but feel his anger boiling over at Hux. 

”You can shut up, _General Hugs_ ,” Poe said. “Kylo’s not the one who I managed to make a fool of at D’Qar.”

Kylo turned to look at him. It was clear that he was surprised at Poe defending him. Poe gave him a quick smile before turning back to Hux. 

Hux sneered. “You think you could get away with making a fool out of me in front of my men, Dameron? You made a terrible mistake.”

He stepped to the side, revealing two prone figures that Poe knew all too well, lying on two torture racks. One was Tallie, her hair loose and seeming almost disheveled, her temple cut and bleeding. The other was Rose, her hair also loose and disheveled, a gag over her mouth. 

”Had to gag that schutta after she bit me,” Hux said evenly. “She didn’t show proper respect for the First Order.”

”Good for her,” Poe snapped. “Let them go. They did nothing to you.”

”They were there to rescue you, apparently,” Hux said. “Besides, it’s fair game, isn’t it, after you cost me my victory, humiliated me in front of my men? Maybe seeing your vermin friends in shackles will teach you the penalties for defying the First Order. You could come up with witty ways to beg for their lives, at least.”

Poe’s fists hurt just from how hard he was clenching them. “You’re taking this pissing contest too far, Hux,” he said. 

”It would be far more convincing if you could actually reach me,” Hux said, and ended the transmission. 

Poe could swear that he was hyperventilating. He was usually good at staying calm; being a spice runner and being in the Republic Navy had trained him for that. But this — this was different. Tallie and Rose were being hurt, humiliated...all because Hux had his ego bruised. 

And he had good as put Rose and Tallie in harm’s way. 

Kylo, meanwhile, looked grim. “It seems,” he said, “Our goals are compatible. You need to rescue your friends.” Poe could feel a burst of jealousy across the Bond, although he couldn’t say why. “I...have loose ends to tie up with Hux.”

”He’s wrong about you, by the way,” Poe said. “You’re better than you think you are.”

The way Kylo looked...he looked surprised. Like hardly anyone had told him that. “Thank you. You are also.” Then, “We have work to do. If we look around, we are guaranteed to find what we’re looking for.”

”Yeah.” Poe sighed. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go.”


	7. Ascension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Poe rescue Tallie and Rose...only for Kylo to self-sabotage epically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Warning for blood and injury, major character death, and probably one of the saddest things I ever wrote.

There was a hangar not far from the Temple, where they could actually get a ship — Poe couldn’t really shake off that feeling of oddness just passing by the Temple, just going towards the hangar even with Kylo’s reassuring hand on his shoulder guiding him away from the Temple. (There wasn’t any reason for Kylo to worry about him so. At least, Poe thought, he could say it was bewildering at most)

Poe could have laughed in relief, just seeing the array of ships that were there. There were quite a bit, ships that could very well carry them out of here. Ships that were big enough for the both of them. After looking through each of them, Poe chose the one that had a cloaking device. (Why the maker felt the need to have that installed, Poe had no idea. At least it would give them the element of surprise when rescuing Tallie and Rose)

They sat together. Poe tried not to think too hard about the way that they were nearly touching sitting at the cockpit. Their arms, their shoulders, their elbows. It shouldn’t have made him, simply, want this. Something that he couldn’t have, as much as he wanted this. 

He steeled himself. He couldn’t bring himself to, simply, start thinking about someone who was there but also stubbornly out of reach. 

”Are you well?” Kylo said. 

Poe nodded. “Let’s find them.” he said. He didn’t want to think about the fact that Kylo was here, but so very much out of reach. 

They went over towards the hut to get BB-8, who seemed overjoyed to be reunited with his master, and if he noticed that anything had changed in the way that Kylo and Poe sat together, he said nothing. 

Poe was grateful for that. He didn’t think he was quite ready for BB-8’s questions. Maybe later, when they were out of there. 

***  
  
They made a good team, Poe had to admit, shooting down stormtroopers that got in their way (although, considering the circumstances, Poe couldn’t help but feel sick. How many of those stormtroopers had been taken from families they’d never know? Even Phasma...had she been a victim too?) and making their way towards Tallie and Rose’s prison. In another life, when circumstances hadn’t been as awful and Luke hadn’t been such an idiot, maybe they would have been allies. 

Rose and Tallie had broken out of their cuffs, judging by how scraped up their wrists were, and Hux was on all fours. Poe could feel his hand shake; taking Hux to a prison could work, and yet after what he did to Rose and Tallie (and to an extent, his betrayal of Kylo)...he had to die. He simply —

And yet...

Kylo chose for him. Even emptying blaster bolt after blaster bolt into Hux, he seemed to be alive with rage. Rage, and a sort of violent protectiveness towards Poe. 

Poe couldn’t say he envied those unlucky enough to trigger it. 

***

Hux was dead. True, they still had Snoke to deal with, and Phasma, but they could go back to the Resistance, couldn’t they? Get Kylo reacclimated, and then —

But there was something in Kylo’s eyes, something in them that was enough to fill Poe with dread. He looked so very far away, so very distant — and also feverish. Like someone who had caught a sickness, but it wasn’t anything visible. It was something inside Kylo’s psyche, threatening to consume him from the inside out. 

”We can go now,” Poe said. “Hux is dead. It’s over now.”

”No,” Kylo said, softly. “It’s not over. I’ve been waiting for this, Poe. There’s been too many parts of the galaxy shoved screaming into my head. I want to fix them — and I want you to join me.”

Poe could swear it was like he’d been kicked in the chest by a Gamorrean. "You can’t be serious.” After everything they’d done for each other. After everything that they’d been through. “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

”It’s all I have!” Kylo shouted back. 

And it dawned on Poe. Dawned on him that Kylo was effectively trapped. Trapped in a prison half of his own design, half of others’ design. Luke had helped form it, as had Snoke...and Kylo just completed the prison, sealing himself away. Sealing himself away, where Poe couldn’t reach him. 

And Kylo wanted to seal Poe behind that prison with him. Something in Kylo’s eyes seemed to change, and Poe could swear that they grew softer. Softer, and gentler than Poe had ever seen them. 

“Join me,” Kylo said. “We won’t have to be separate again, Poe. We were torn apart once. Twice. We can still be together. The both of us.”

And Kylo’s words echoed in Poe’s mind. Three words, that simply meant so much. Three words, that could hurt and heal all at once. Three words, that confused and yet explained everything. 

_I love you_. 

It should have been happy. It should have been a source of rejoicing. Instead, it sent a sort of denial through Poe, a sort of no-stars-this-isn’t-love that he simply could not bear. 

”I can’t be with you," Poe said. “What you’re suggesting...this isn’t love. I can’t do it.” A beat. “I belong with the Resistance. And if anything on that Force-forsaken planet meant anything to you...let me go.”

Kylo’s eyes went wide. Poe could swear that he could see the hurt reflecting in those wide brown eyes. Too wide. A pain that Kylo wanted to be free of — and Poe wanted to help him, but how could he, when Kylo didn’t want it?

”Go then,” Kylo said, icily. “Run away from me...just like everyone else. I won’t stop you.”

Poe wanted to stay behind. Wanted to find a way to soothe Kylo’s pain...but his survival came first. It didn’t stop him from wanting to run as quickly as he could, far away from Kylo, and doing it. 

And once in the cockpit of his ship, once they’d gotten into hyperspace — heading to Crait, according to Tallie — Poe allowed himself to weep openly. For all that could have been, and for all that was now. 


	8. Epilogue: The Supreme Leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel hook ahoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Yes, this shit is becoming a series. Should be interesting.

He was Supreme Leader of the First Order, and yet it felt like he had lost everything. There was no reason it should have turned out that way, and yet, Kylo thought...

 _Poe Dameron._ He had sacrificed so much for this one man. This one man, who had been one factor in what Snoke had tempted him with, the idea of rearranging the galaxy to make this one man happy...

And now Poe was gone. Had betrayed him. 

_That’s the price of caring for someone, isn’t it?_

That voice, sounding slithery. It was probably the first time that Kylo had heard that voice as it truly was. It had shapeshifted, naturally, from his grandfather’s to Snoke’s to his old mentor, Ren’s. 

_Much like your grandfather. But the usurper will be taken care of soon enough_. _To be turned, or to be destroyed. Go to Mustafar, get the Sith wayfinder that leads to Exegol...and find me.  
_

”Very well.”

Kylo stood, feeling a renewed sense of purpose. He would not kill Poe Dameron. When the newly-awakened Force Sensitive had a hand offered to him a second time, he would take it. 

***

He left Ushar Ren in charge of the First Order when he went away. Somehow, he didn’t trust Phasma; Phasma had a mind on par with Palpatine’s, and while it was admirable applied to their side...it wasn’t so much when applied against them. 

Kylo entered his other TIE, the TIE Whisperer. It was subtler, quieter, perfect for his journey. He would complete his training. And when he offered Poe Dameron the stars a second time...Poe would accept them. 


End file.
